


The Insanely Insecure Jared Kleinman

by Bluemedallion



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Connor is dead, Insecure Jared Kleinman, Jared Kleinman Angst, Jared Kleinman Being an Asshole, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman Needs Love, Nice Jared Kleinman, No Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-18 09:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17578577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluemedallion/pseuds/Bluemedallion
Summary: Man, Jared's acting weird today.  It seems like everyone is noticing something off about him.  What's up with him?Read the notes before Chapter 1.





	1. Evan

**Author's Note:**

> This is a canon divergence au as I tagged, some some stuff is like mad different.
> 
> I didnt put much thought into it, but heres the basics you need to know:
> 
> Connor committed suicide after stealing Evan's letter.
> 
> When his parents confronted Evan with the letter, evan managed to tell them the truth instead of going along with the lie.
> 
> Him and Jared still volunteered to start the Connor Project though, Evan because he felt bad for what had happened with his parents and Jared because... well, none of them really knew why Jared joined (maybe you'll figure it out by the end of this fic ;0)
> 
> Alana also volunteered, and the events played out like the musical except Zoe was the face of the project. Their family does NOT get phone call threats and stuff because the letter never got out.
> 
> Zoe was mostly doing the project to appease her mom, but soon she learned to be regretful about Connor's passing with lots of talks with Evan and friends and stuff.
> 
> Evan got over his crush on Zoe probsbly through communication and junk he has friends who needs a girlfriend.
> 
> It's now late spring, and the school year is almost over. The four of them are a fairly close-knit group of friends. And from there is where our story starts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, Jared's acting weird.

"Evan, I'm sorry, but—”

"It's fine."

Heidi let out a breath of relief, kissing her son on his forehead.

"Thanks sweetie, you know how hard it is in springtime.  Why don't you ask Jared for a ride? He's always around to help you out."

"...sure mom."

Heidi sighs in relief.  "That's great. Hey, I'll make _sure_ to pick you up after school.  Do you want take-out?"

"That's fine."

"Awesome, sweetie.  I'll see you then. Love you."

  
**7:37 PM**

  
_Me_  
_Hey Jared, can you pick me up?  My mom had to leave early again, I'll bring the money._  
**Unread**

  
Evan sighed, taking a trip back to his room, and more specifically, his wallet.  Guess he was ‘uber’ing to school today. His phone pinged.

  
_Jared_  
_Sure, dont bother bringintg money or ehatrver_  
**Read 7:41 PM**

  
What?  Evan paused, ten bucks hovering outside of his capitalism case.  Wait, oh god. Evan carefully put the money back, careful not to crease it.

Jared must need something.  Evan's ‘payment’ for the ride would probably be some dumb favor.  He went to the bathroom, washing his hands free of the tarnished feeling of money.  Oh god, now he was nervous. I mean, he was always nervous, but now he was _very_ nervous.

Honk honk.  Honk-honk honk honk.

Ah.  There was the first few seconds of All Star.  Jared was here.

Evan snatched up his backpack, white-person-half-jogging across the yard and ducking into Jared's car.

"Hey bitch, let me tell you about fucking Vanderbilt." And as Jared pulled out, he went on a long-winded rant about how Cornelius Vanderbilt was _way_ better than John D. Rockefeller.

"How do you, y’know, know all of, all of this?" Evan asked as Jared was explaining Vanderbilt's passing of his company onto his son.

"We watched like half a documentary about the industrial period in American History and I got super into it, then that bitch cut it off right as Vanderbilf got taken over by Rockefucker and then had the _audacity_ to say that we'd be moving on today and wouldn't continue watching it!" Jared paused to turn a roundabout, "So I wrote the name of it down, then last night I pirated it off the internet and watched it.  Let me tell you, this shit is fucking fascinating!"

Evan nodded, holding back a chuckle at 'Vanderbilf' and 'Rockefucker'.  It was clever, damn it.

"Anyways," Jared continued to rant about the master of monopoly that was Cornelius Vanderbilt.  In the meantime, Evan was getting anxious. Jared was acting really normal, but why the heck did he say not to bring money?  How was he going to pay? What was he going to pay in? Favors? Or something else? What if Jared beat him up. What if he's just luring Evan into a false sense of security!  Fuck, what if Jared's been acting for a while to build up. Oh god, oh god, oh _god—_

"Why did you ask me not to bring money?" Evan blurted out and immediately regretted his decision when Jared went quiet, cutting himself off.

There was quiet, for just a moment, a yellow sky.  The warm spring breeze drifted through Jared's opened windows as he turned on his turn signal.  The car pulled to a stop, and as did the breeze as they approached an intersection. "Nevermind, I—"

"You're my friend, Evan," Jared interrupted, his eyes burning into the red stoplight above them, "You don't need to pay me just to catch a ride to school." The world seemed to drift back into life, like the slow turning of gears in a clock as Jared let out a breath and turned the car.

"Uhm, okay.  So, uhm, so, what about, uhh, that uhm, that Carnegie guy?  What, y'know, where did he fit in?" Evan was obviously reaching to try and fill conversation, but Jared's eyes lit up nonetheless.

From there until they reached the school, the only thing passed from their lips was the ideology of billionaires from the late 19th to early 20th century.  Still though, a thought buzzed at the back of Evan's mind as he waved goodbye to Jared and thanked him for the ride. What was that about?

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall this story is gonna be weirdly spaced I got 6 chapters and the 6th chapter is as long as the first 4 combined so yeehaw I guess, hope you enjoy :)


	2. Zoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is definitely not this nice. What kind of guy waits outside of bathrooms just to give back some books?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: accusations of incest

"Fuck you!" Zoe shouted, slamming her locker door shut and clenching her fists.

"Ooh!  The brother-fucker's a little feisty!" A jerk laughed, pushing her shoulder.  Zoe slapped their hand away, scoffing once more to show her disdain and stomping off while the jerks continued to jeer at her.

"Fuck you guys!  Connor didn't die for you assholes to shit on him like this.  At least get better insults, Jesus Christ." Jared's nasally voice carried through the hallways, reaching Zoe's ears.  Wow, guess he isn't totally heartless.

Zoe quickly darted into the bathroom, cursing her tear glands for acting up.  She sniffled, cursing again and rubbing her eyes on her sleeve.

"Yo Zoe, I'm not coming in there cause duh, but some of your notebooks fell out.  I don't want any of those fuckers to steal 'em or anything, so you can either stay in there and let me skip class or you can come out and I have to go to class like a loser."

Zoe paused, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.  She looked down at her book bag and sighed when she realised that yes, it was flapped open and half of her books were missing.  She could just stay here. I mean, who gives a fuck about class or Jared anyways. But, she just couldn't resist Jared's obvious reverse psychology.

Zipping up her bag, she wiped her eyes more gently as to not irritate them further.  She looked in the mirror and yeah, Zoe had obviously been crying, but what-fucking-ever.  Jared already knew. If anyone else pointed it out, she'd punch them.

Walking out, she saw Jared leaning against the wall and fiddling with his fingers.  He turned his head at the small sound of her footsteps, raising an eyebrow once he saw her face, but thankfully keeping mum about it and scoffing instead.

"Wow Zoe, way to go.  Now I have to go to Bio and fuck a frog." Jared fake-cried, causing a burst of laughter to erupt from Zoe's throat.

"Sucks to be you then, Jared." Her laughter quieted down, and Jared leaned down to pick her books off of the floor where he had stacked them.

'"I'm hurt, I really am." He sighed, handing them over once he had risen back up.  Zoe grinned, unconsciously sniffing and taking them from his hands. As she was pulling her book bag back open, Jared put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a soft, understanding smile.  Huh?

Zoe raised an eyebrow, looking back down to drop her books in.  When she looked up again, the smile had disappeared and Jared rolled his eyes.

"Could it have taken you any longer?  For someone with such fast retorts you sure are fucking slow.  I'm just gonna leave, see you at lunch. Try not to snog more than two people by then." Jared seemed to rush a bit, sticking his tongue out at her and darting down the hall.

Okay, something was up.  Jared could be nice-ish sometimes, but waiting for her _and_ giving her some sort of empathetic smile like he was trying to be— _compassionate?_  Something was up with Jared.  But it could wait, Zoe knew as she checked the time on her phone.  She was late for class.

 


	3. Lunch Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God Jared, shut up. Wait, no, constant jabbering was better than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: use of drugs, drugs, unknown drugs, questionable legality of drugs

Jared would not.  Shut. The fuck. Up.

I mean, to be totally fair, that was pretty normal.  But today, it seemed like he was going the extra mile.

Every time there was even a single pause in the conversation, even just the others eating food, Jared would fill it with his words.

He's talked about the industrial revolution, Hogwarts houses, a frog he dissected in Biology, he even went on a rant about the unfair gender stereotypes against men (it was even a good argument! Men should be allowed to wear makeup and skirts just as much as women are allowed to play sports and leave their legs unshaved!  The whole lunch table got really involved in that discussion).

But for real though, could he shut up for five seconds?

"Jared, can I ask you abo—"

"Hold that thought Zoe, I just remembered fucking uhh... fucking yeah!  I forgot I told myself I was gonna go on a rant about Mr. Rection today, oh my god, so—"

See?  What's that about!  That's not normal. I mean, yeah, Jared does interrupt people a lot so I guess it is _kind of_ normal, but still.  Zoe and Evan smelled bullshit.

"Uhm, Jared—"

"Oh my god Evan shut up I know it's an inappropriate story but just chill, let me finish—"

What the fuck!  How is he talking that fast!  He's hardly even taking breaths between his words!

Alana had joined in now, swapping stories with Jared about kids fucking around in Mr. Rection's class.  Alana used much more polite language, but the result was the same. This continued all the way until the warning bell rang.

"Ah fuck, I am SO going to go up to Mrs. Fuck-all and complain before class, that documentary I watched last night was fucking bomb and she NEEDS to show that shit in class!  Ta-ta, fools!" Jared shouted, already racing across the cafeteria. Zoe and Evan stared upon his disappearing form with dismay.

"Well then, Evan, I'll see you tomorrow.  Zoe, let's hurry. I want to ask Mr. Ree about our homework last night." Alana smiled, rising from her seat and beginning to stride out of the lunch room.

Zoe looked at Evan, giving him a purposeful look that said 'you can tell that something's up, right?  Something's up'. Evan nodded, beginning to leave as well.

Meanwhile, in the men's bathroom around the corner, Jared had holed himself in the large bathroom stall.  He was leaning against the wall, taking deep breaths and trying to regulate his air intake. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he turned his bookbag around and began looking through it.

A few seconds later, he found what he was looking for.  A small baggie, with a single capsule inside. He swished the saliva around in his mouth for a bit, accumulating enough to swallow the pill semi-dry.

As he was zipping up his bag, the final 'you're late' bell rang.  He sighed, scrubbing his arm against his eyes and sniffing, before walking out of the stall and out of the room.

 


	4. Alana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared, are you crying? Wait, who's that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of bullying, someone gets bullied in this chapter, mentions of misusing pronouns, nonbinary character getting bullied? Idk, just being careful.
> 
> Stay safe yall

Alana bounced through the halls, humming some tune that she couldn't remember the name of.  Last period had been absolutely fantastic, they had taken a test in science that Alana had aced for sure.

She was all set to go to meet Jared to head to their final class of the day, when she heard a muffled sob coming from an abandoned classroom.  She was pretty sure the class had been cut from the budget years ago. She paused, backtracking and putting her ear against the door. Yeah, okay, that was definitely crying.

Now, she had a choice to make.  She could continue on and leave the person, respecting their privacy,  _ or _ she could go in and see if there was anything she could do to help.

Alana liked to consider herself acquaintances with all of the students in this school.  If there's any way she could help a fellow acquaintance in need, Alana was going to do so.  Firmly set in her resolution to skip a few minutes of class, she gently pushed open the door.  Inside, she saw Jared, kneeling on the floor.

At first, she was confused.  Was Jared—? Then she stepped inside a bit more and saw the small student Jared was kneeling down to, bawling their eyes out.

Oh, now Alana was  _ mad. _  How  _ dare _ Jared.  Was he really  _ bullying _ some kid, who appeared to be a  _ freshman _ nonetheless?

"Hey, it's okay, kid." Jared hushed, shifting around to sit cross-legged and putting a hand on their shoulder.  Well now Alana was freaking confused.

"I— I just, I just want them to— to fucking, RESPECT me!  Is— is it  _ that _ hard to ju—ust USE my fu—ucking pronouns correctly?  I—, I asked fucking  _ politely! _ " They sobbed, squeezing their head to their knees.

"Yeah, people at this school can be absolute motherfuckers.  Earlier today, people were making fun of a girl whose brother died."

"Tha—at's  _ awful. _ "

"It really is.  I know her. Trust me when I say the best thing to do is ignore those hoes.  They don't respect your pronouns? Don't give them another thought. They don't deserve you.  If they don't treat you right by now, you're gone." Jared smiled, hoping the kid would get his reference.

They laughed softly, wiping their eyes, "I'm gone."

"Now go chop their DICKS OFF!" Jared yelled, smiling wide as the kid burst into laughter.  Alana pulled a small smile as well, stepping back and out of the room.

"Thanks, buddy.  I'm Alix. They/them pronouns." Alix held out a hand for him to shake.

"Jared.  He/him pronouns myself," Jared introduced himself as he shook their hand, "here, give me your phone.”

"...Why?"

"Gonna put my number in it, duh." Jared laughed, grinning as Alix took out their phone and handed it to him.  Alana continued to watch, hypnotized by Jared's strange display of kindness.

"Those guys say anything to you or you're just feelin' bad, text me and I'll have an excuse to skip class." Jared made a whip movement with his wrist, causing Alix to snort.

"Yeah, thanks."

"C'mon pal, let's get you to class."

Oh shoot, they were coming her way.  Alana panicked, sprinting as quietly as possible around the corner of the nearest hallway.

"Alright dude, what class do you have?  I'll come with, fourth period is gonna be boring and I'd like to skip as much as possible."

"Mx. Ingbowl's Foods One class, it's just down the hall." Alix thankfully pointed away from Alana's hiding spot, and the two vanished around the corner.

Slowly, Alana emerged from her spot like a startled cat.  She wasn't startled, per se, but she was definitely surprised.  That was definitely Jared. Were there two Jareds in the school, both looking exactly alike, but one was the jerk she knew and the other was really nice?

"Oh shoot, I'm late for class!" Alana gasped to herself, bursting into a sprint to get across the campus to her class.

"Alana, you're normally so punctual.  Where's your pass?" Her teacher said in a hushed tone, holding out her hand for the pass.  Alana looked down apologetically.

"I am  _ so _ sorry, ma'am.  I got held up in the hallway, and so I couldn't get a pass.  I am really,  _ really _ sorry." Alana pleaded.

Her teacher clicked her tongue, sighing.  "Since this is the first time this happened I'll excuse it, I already marked you as tardy though.  Let that be a lesson to you. Please take your seat."

Alana smiled gratefully, nodding and walking to her seat in the very center of the room.  Sure enough, when she looked towards the corner of the room, Jared was absent.

A few minutes later, Jared waltzed into the room.  He was practically whistling.

"Jared, where have you been?  Class is almost a third of the way over." Their teacher tutted disapprovingly.

"Well, I was skipping, but then I remembered were supposed to get our tests back today and I know I fucking bossed it, so..."

While the teacher proceeded to waste class time by yelling at him, Alana stewed in her thoughts.  There was no denying it, Jared had just spent his time cheering up and possibly defending a poor non-binary teen.

He had been... decent.  No, more than that, he had been  _ kind. _  Which for a normal person would be fine, appreciated and fine.  But for Jared? The well-renowned school asshole? It was downright weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all alix is my baby I love them 
> 
> It hurt so much to make them cry 
> 
> Jared can die or whatever but if anyone dares lay a hand on Alix's head they will be personally Removed
> 
> This has been a psa 
> 
> I'm love them


	5. Evan, Zoe, Alana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is UP with jared, y'all. Are we gonna do something about it or what?

**2:56 PM**

 

_Zoe_

_Evan, dont fuck with me_

_Somethings up with jared, right?_

 

_Me_

_I never meant to fuck with you I'm sorry_

_I agree though, I don't know why but Jared's acting really weird_

 

_Zoe_

_You dont know why?_

_Alana I know your in class but when you see this did you notice something was up?_

 

_Me_

_Yeah I don't know, just this morning he was being really weird_

 

_Zoe_

_Me too!  I was getting harassed by these stupid fucks who were talking shit about connor so ovbiously I told them to fuck off and stormed off_

 

_Me_

_That's terrible_

 

_Zoe_

_Then jared showed up and like defended me or whatever? I forget what he said but then I was in the bathroom fixing myself up and he stood outside and was fucking WAITING FOR ME like making sure I was ok_

_Yeah it wwas they sucked_

_But then jared gave me my notebioks that fell out and he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me this WEIRD ASS smile_

 

_Me_

_How was it weird?_

 

_Zoe_

_It looked like_

_Nice_

_And like uhh whats the word_

_Compassionate?_

_No idk_

 

_Alana_

_Empathetic?_

 

_Zoe_

_Yeah thats the word! Also alana what are you doing on your phone in class ooooh_

 

_Alana_

_They're going over questions in the test, but I aced it so I don't really have the need.  I would normally still pay attention, but I wanted to text y’all and see if you noticed anything weird with Jared.  But judging by your texts, I can see you noticed something too._

 

_Me_

_Today my mom was busy so she couldn't drive me to school so I texted Jared to ask him to drive me and normally he'll ask me to bring money to pay for the ride but he told me not to bring money? And I was confused because when he picked me up he was acting all normal and talking about his latest history obsession so I finally burst and asked him about it and he got really quiet? Like weirdly quiet like he was just looking at the road with a blank face so I apologized but he interrupted me and said something in like a really dull voice like “you're my friend Evan you don't need to pay for me to drive you” and that made me really confused cause he always has before? But it felt really awkward so I changed the subject and he acted normal again but the whole thing was really weird_

_Sorry the text was so long_

_Oh hi Alana_

 

_Zoe_

_Wait he made you pay for rides to school?_

_What a jerk_

 

_Alana_

_True, but why would he change his “policy” so suddenly?  Something strange is afoot. I also had a strange interaction with him, if you could call it that._

 

_Me_

_What happened?_

 

_Zoe_

_What do you mean “if you could call it that”_

 

_Alana_

_Well, we didn't actually interact nb_

_Ch. ydydynz_

 

_Zoe_

_Lmao_

 

_Alana_

_Sorry, the teacher started talking so I put away my phone.  She just said that we could do whatever for the rest of class though.  Jared is talking with some friends, he seems normal._

 

_Me_

_Oh, I see_

 

_Alana_

_Anyways, I was on my way to this class when I heard crying from the old computer room.  I went to help whoever it was and Jared was there with someone who appeared to be a freshman, later revealed to be someone named Alex or Alix.  I'm not sure on the spelling. I thought Jared was bullying the kid, but it turned out Jared was helping them through an experience with bullying.  Jared gave them his number and told them to text him anytime he needed help. Then Jared walked them to their class. I rushed away to class a bit late, and Jared wasn't there.  About ten minutes later he strolled in, claiming to have been skipping before remembering that we would get tests back. Shit jared's here putting my phone awya_

 

_Zoe_

_Shitttttt_

 

_Me_

_That's very abnormal_

 

_Zoe_

_Goddamn right, jeez_

 

_Me_

_I was trying to confront him on it at lunch but it felt like he was avoiding the topic. I think you were doing the same thing??_

 

_Zoe_

_I didnt want to really bring it up cause it was kinda embarrassing but I did want to know why he wouldnt fucking shit up_

_Shut*_

 

_Me_

_Yeah_

 

_Zoe_

_Should we like, confront him about it? After school today_

 

_Me_

_I was gonna take the bus after school, I don't know how I'd get home_

 

_Zoe_

_Jared or I can give you a ride, duh._

 

_Me_

_Oh ok_

 

_Zoe_

_Where will Jared be?_

 

_Me_

_Its Tuesday, right? I think today is the only day he has free. He doesn't have fencing, film, robotics or the two clubs he won’t tell me about until other days_

 

_Zoe_

_Wait hes taking that many clubs? Also why wont he tell you the clubs_

 

_Me_

_I dont know. But I guess we lucked out, we can meet him outside his car after school._

 

_Zoe_

_Ok sweet_

_Alana, whhen you get back make sure you stick to jared like glue to his car! Make an excuse or something! DONT LET HIM GET AWAY_

 

_Me_

_Do you really think he’ll be running away?_

 

_Zoe_

_Well I was being sramatic but now I ddont know_

 

_Me_

_Sorry_

 

_Zoe_

_It's fine ev_

**Read by all, 3:28 PM**

 

_Alana_

_On it!_

**Read by all, 3:30 PM**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared secretly takes GSA (Gay Straight Alliance aka lgbtq+ club) and drama club, and that's the tea


	6. Jared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. Jared...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: yelling, self hatred, mentions of suicide, mentions of bullying, mentions of slurs, panic attack? I dont think it's a panic attack but just to be safe, loneliness, superiority complex
> 
> Tread carefully guys, this one is heavy.

"Uhh, Zoe? What are you—"

"Evan!  Shush! I'm in stealth mode!"

The girl in question had popped her head up from the front of Jared's car, and was now frowning in disappointment.

"I thought you were Jared.  I'm gonna sneak up on him, wham, bam, pow, he's trapped!  Get your butt over here!" Zoe explained, crouching back down but still revealing her hair and forehead.

"The top of your head's still, uhh, uhm, showing." Evan pointed out, walking over and sitting cross-legged on the asphalt.  Zoe shuffled a bit, lowering her head to be out of view from anyone passing.

"So then Evan said 'why don't you just drop out of a club' and I laughed because ha!  What's more important, my physical health or my whole FUTURE?!"

"...Alana, your health is more important."

"Okay yeah, I phrased it really badly.  But I don't care, I'm doing all of this for my future!  I'll have time to fix up my health once I'm out of college."

Zoe held a finger up to her lips.  "They're coming!"

Jared's soft footsteps and Alana's purposeful strides got louder and closer as the two continued chatting.  Jared's keys jingled as he pulled them out of his pocket.

"Well, Alana, I'm gonna head home and relax for a bit.  Do you have any clubs to go to, or—"

"WHAM," Zoe screamed, sliding over the hood.

"BAM," She yelled as she snatched the keys from Jared's hands.

"AND _POW!_ " She finished triumphantly, smacking her hands on either side of Jared against the car and efficiently boxing him in.

"...What the fu— Zoe, I get that I'm irresistible, and literally anyone would _pay_ to have me pushed against a surface.  But you fucking scared me half to death." Jared wheezed, his skin still a bit pale from the sudden scare.

"Huh— hey, uhh, Jared." Evan greeted awkwardly, emerging from the front of the car.

"Geez, Evan's here too?  What is this, some sort of... parking party? Hey, alliteration!" Jared laughed, though it seemed forced.  His eyes were wide, though with hilarity or panic they weren't sure.

"Jared, we wanted to ask you about something." Zoe said calmly, her excitable mood smothered by her need to get some answers.

"Well geez, I think there's an easier way to get my attention than fucking scaring the jizz out of me.  I mean to be fair, it was very effective! But I'd prefer to not cream my pants every time you need to ask me a question." Jared said quickly, definitely with a bit of panic in his tone.

"Jared, something's wrong." Alana frowned.

"Not wrong!  It's not like, wrong wrong like oh no something terrible is happening I just figured since I get panicked from phrases like that so, uhh.  Yeah. It's just kinda, we noticed something and we're like oh wow that's not normal but not bad normal just like that's not the normal thing." Evan blurted out.

All three of them looked at him with varying levels of 'okay then', before Jared scoffed and brought the attention back to him.

"Well sorry to disappoint you, but nothing's wrong.  Plus I just remembered that my parents told me to get home soon, so—" Jared excused himself, trying to push Zoe's arms away.  Alana looked like she was about to pull Zoe's arm herself (because of her need to respect adults), so Evan spoke up.

"Jared, your parents aren't home.  They won't be back for another week, remember?"

Alana's jaw gaped, looking to Evan, then back to Jared and narrowing her eyes.  Jared looked calm and relaxed, but his eyes showed his true fear.

"Psh, duh.  I'm not stupid, Evan.  I meant that my parents wanted me home to feed the cat, I mean if I don't feed her soon she's probably gonna piss all over my fucking carpet and then _I’ll_ get in trouble, so sorry dudes but I really need to—"

"The cat can wait, Jared." Zoe said firmly, pulling away from him.

"Jared, you've been acting much nicer than normal today.  I wouldn't notice it, except the degree to which you are being nicer is exponentially greater than even just yesterday.  Even so, I wouldn't bother to point it out, it seems like a good thing. However, you've been purposefully evading all of us when we try to ask you about it.  Which clearly, to us at least, tells us that something is wrong. Or, for lack of a more professional phrase, something's fishy." Alana explained, and then something strange happened.

Jared's ever-present grin.  The cheshire smile that stretched across his face, ready to spit out a quick-witted insult or a stupid joke at a moment's notice.  It disappeared. In its place was a cold, hard line, with blank eyes and hardened features to match. As Jared's arms fell to his sides wordlessly, Zoe, Evan, and Alana stepped back in surprise.

"You wanna know what's wrong with me?  I'll tell you what's _fucking_ wrong.  I'm a fucking.   _ASSHOLE._ " Jared yelled, pushing Zoe into the car next to them.

They looked at him in confusion, watching him groan and pull at his hair.

"Yeah, you're always an ass, that's why today is—"

"Exactly!  I'm _always!_ A fucking— _asshole._ " Jared scoffed, scuffing the ground with his heel.

"I'm always an asshole.  I'm a fucking asshole! I'm a horrible person.  I fucking bully people, I've bullied _all_ of you.  I've said horrible fucking things, I've called people slurs and extorted money and I fucking _USED_ EVAN for fucking _CAR INSURANCE!_  What kind of dick does that?  Any guesses? Oh, that's right!  Fucking _ME._  I'm the biggest asshole in this school, everyone fucking knows it!  It's the fucking _title_ I made myself!  I'm the guy who will insult anyone who talks to him, and anyone who won't, and, OH _YEAH,_ I'M PROBABLY THE REASON WHY CONNOR'S _DEAD._ "

Jared was crying.  No, Jared was full-out _sobbing,_ firing his woes onto the three of them with his hands balled into fists.  He choked back another sob, wiping his eyes with his arm.

"Jared—"

"NO!  Shut _UP._  I'm not fucking done.  This is fucking suffocating, I'll walk through the halls every goddamn day and I'll just fucking remember each and every person I've fucking _hurt,_ made fun of, etcetera etcetera.  And I'm sure you're thinking, _OH_ well you're being _NICE_ today Jared, you're MENDING YOUR WAYS, OH _BOY!_  Well I fucking _shouldn't be!_  Not this late, at least!  I've been like this for fucking years, I should have realized by now.  I don't have any fucking friends besides you! Hey Evan, remember back when we were arguing over the Connor project and you said the only reason I was helping you guys was because I didn't have any friends?”

"Wait, Evan, you said...?"

"I'm so sor—"

"Well GUESS WHAT! You were on the FUCKING NOSE!  I _DON'T_ have any fucking friends besides you guys!  You guys, who I became 'friends' with only because you needed me for the technological know-how.  And then you TOLERATED ME from then on! 'Cause guess what? That's what _EVERYONE DOES WITH ME!_  I'll force myself into people's lives, they'll tolerate me for a week at most before they spit me back into the halls!  The only reason why you haven't done that is because Alana and Evan are too nice and Zoe just wants to repay me for what I did to help!  Which was JACK SHIT! Hey Zoe, guess what? I BULLIED CONNOR, TOO! On his last day at school, guess what the last thing I ever said to him was?  'GOD, YOU’RE SUCH A FREAK!' And I fucking! Meant it! Because that's how fucking _FUCKED UP_ I am!"

Jared was struggling to continue, taking quick, heaving breaths.  Finally he gave up, erupting into forceful sobs and collapsing onto the asphalt.

"Jared, I had no idea—"

"SHUT _UP!_ " Jared shouted at Alana, who had stepped forward with a practiced frown.

"Don't give me that fucking pity speech I see you give to every- _fucking_ -body who approaches you with their problems.  Don't give me a single _bit_ of your fucking pity.  You and I both know I don't fucking deserve it.  ‘Don't want it either—" Jared argued, before cutting himself off.  Suddenly, he began to chuckle.

"God, when was the last time any of you ever saw me cry?  Never, probably, except for maybe Evan once in middle school.  I haven't cried in public since then, I dont think. I steeled myself with a wall of sarcasm, humor, and annoyance to hide my insecurities and my true feelings or whatever.  Does that sound like some psychological bullshit," He continued to chuckle, then standing up and shouting, "WELL, IT _FUCKING SHOULD!_  ‘CAUSE GUESS THE FUCK WHAT, I'VE BEEN WATCHING LEGIT FUCKING _THERAPY VIDEOS_ TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE _FUCK'S_ WRONG WITH ME!"

Jared swayed, letting out an embarrassing hiccup.  He leaned a little too far forward, stumbling into Alana's arms.  He froze, considering pulling away from her, before ultimately giving up and slumping into Alana's embrace.

Alana glanced over at Zoe and Evan, who both shared the exact same shocked expression that Alana assumed she wore as well.

"Jared—"

"Please," Jared croaked, clenching his fingers around Alana's Letterman jacket, "Just... shut up... please." He pleaded quietly, defeated.

"No." Zoe said calmly.

"Zoe..." Alana warned, looking up at her and rubbing her thumb in circles over Jared's back.

"No! Jared, you've got several things wrong there.  And I'm about to take those blinders off from your head and let you see the _truth._ " Zoe said confidently and placing a firm hand on his shoulder.  Jared flinched _hard_ and Alana sent her another warning look.  Zoe pulled back and put her hand by her side.

"Umm, can I say something?" Evan asked quietly, squeezing his palms together.

"Goddamnit Treehugger." Jared mumbled out, as more of a reflex than anything.

"Yes, please." Alana sighed, moving her hand and signing something to Zoe.  Zoe looked confused for a second, before letting out an ‘oh’ and going to open the car with Jared's keys.

"Well, uhh," Evan stammered a bit before taking a deep breath, "Sometimes, I, uhh.  Feel that. Too. Like, I'll be at home, or uhh, in class. Anywhere, really. And I'll be like, wow, uhm.  How do I have any friends? Because I'm... me. And why would anyone like me? For the uhh. Way I am. And I'll get really sad.  'Cause, uhh. I'll get to thinking that you guys, y'know. Are just, pretending? To be my friends. Because, I don't know, you're sorry for me?  Or something? But a lot of times when this happens any of you. And, uhh, that's including you Jared. You'll do something nice to me, or with me, or uhh.  For me? And I'll be like oh, wow. They wouldn't do _this_ out of pity. And... stuff. So I guess I just, uhm. Have faith? Now? And I don't think that way that much.  Anymore. And uhh. I did bad things too. Not as much as you but like. Wait that came out wrong I'm sorry. I just mean that I've done... bad things. And uhh. I'm still here.  Still... around. And friends with you guys. And you guys are friends with me. So... you should... uhm... yeah..."

As Evan spoke, Jared had lifted his head.  He was now looking at Evan with a slightly incredulous look in his eyes, but by the end of his little allusion his gaze had softened.  He looked to the floor with an unreadable expression, deep in thought.

"Here Jared, sit down." Zoe suggested in a much softer tone, draping herself over the open door.  Jared looked at her with raised eyebrows, before she rolled her eyes and pointed at the carseat.

Alana pulled away from him tentatively, giving him a genuine smile this time and rounding the car to sit in the passenger seat.  Jared sighed, giving in and dropping himself into the seat.

"I think what Evan meant in the grand scheme of things, is that we all have our self doubts.  Hell, I had a breakdown in the bathroom today over my brother. I still worry if I'm a horrible person for how I treated him.  But I'm trying to come to terms with it. Yeah, you do tend to be an asshole. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, it's true. But, as Evan said, there's obviously been times where you've been nice, whether you meant to or not.  Today was a good start. Bottling your feelings is hella bad for you, and according to you you've been doing so for a _way_ unhealthy amount of time.  So just know that we're not friends with you out of pity.  We never were. You're genuinely funny, Jared. You can be nice, and you've shown today that you really want to be better.  So just know that you can come to us whenever you need. We're not tolerating you. We love you, dude." Zoe ranted, topping it off with slightly-awkward finger guns at the end.

Jared's mouth twitched, just a bit as he looked down at his hands.  That might be the first time he's heard that phrase in a very long time.

"A true bad person doesn't care about being better." Alana quoted, wrapping Jared's hand in hers.  He looked over at her with a small smile and sniffed, covering his eyes with his other hand as he began to let out a choked laugh.

Zoe smiled, leaning down and setting a hand on his thigh.  Evan followed suit, delicately placing his hand on Jared's shoulder.

There they sat, in the school parking lot.  A small bundle of friends, smiling, laughing, and crying with one another.

Yes, Jared wasn't happy.  It's true. He would still mess up.  Some days, he would still ask Evan where his money was, before apologizing profusely.  Some days he'd rush to the bathroom and cry after accidentally insulting someone in the hallways after they had brushed into him.  Some days he would avoid his feelings, avoid his friends.

But, in the end, he still had his friends.  He was talking to them, for real now. His walls were slowly, but surely, coming down.  He was getting better. And really, isn't that all that matters?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end :)
> 
> After this, I like to think that jared started embracing his feminity like i mentioned in chapter 3. I'm also drawing jared in a skirt right now so yeety skeety right
> 
> Also treehugger is also the name of a my little pony character. Make of that what you will.
> 
> Check out my other works if you're interested in sanders sides, a shitty detroit become human story, or crack of team starkid 
> 
> Stay safe yall, stay safe and happy and strong.
> 
> I love each and every one of you.
> 
> <3


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